Warning: This article is over ten pages long and will really blow your mind!
April 2003
I’ve just returned from the Warrior Saint Deliverance Conference and need to put this all down on paper while it’s fresh because I can hardly believe it myself. I can’t say what I expected when I went to the conference, except I had felt that God was calling me back on the front lines and I felt that I needed more information. I certainly didn’t think that I was there for any personal deliverance. After all, I’m a very nice Christian girl. I gave my heart to the Lord before I was five years old, so I consider myself to have been a Christian for over 35 years. I’ve been filled with the Holy Spirit for over 14 years, have written a book on deliverance and move in many of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
Now I knew that I battled demons such as fear, depression, confusion, sometimes unbelief and quite honestly suicide, which I always immediately rejected as having come from the enemy. But they were, I thought, demons of oppression, coming from outside of me. Boy did Warrior Saints prove me wrong! They realigned my grid of thinking. Since it now looks like I will be able to have the full victory that I have sought for so many years, I will have to rewrite some of my book so that other’s can walk in more effective freedom and victory in Christ. By the way, rewriting some of the book isn’t too surprising since God told me six years ago that there was "one more chapter." I always had the feeling that I was going to live that chapter before I could write it, and you are about to read about part of that "living it."
Here is what I said in my book about the controversial, "Can a Christian have a Demon?" since I know that some will want to argue that point right off.
POSSESSION OR OPPRESSION
Let's not spend our energy debating whether a person is possessed or oppressed. Meaning that the demon is inside or outside the person, I feel that either way, the victim is tormented and needs freedom. Also, I am very aware of the debate that surrounds the question "Can a Christian have a demon?" Now, I know that not everyone that attends church is a believer, but this scripture shows us that there were people present even in the synagogue that were possessed.
"A man possessed by a demon was present (in the synagogue) and began shouting, "Why are you bothering us, Jesus of Nazareth--have you come to destroy us demons? I know who you are -- the holy Son of God!"--Mark 1:23
Doris Wagner, wife of author and Fuller Seminary professor C. Peter Wagner, answers the question effectively for me when she says, "I only do deliverance on Christians." Her answer is based on the following scripture. "This evil nation is like a man possessed by a demon. For if the demon leaves, it goes into the desert for a while, seeking rest but finding none. Then it says, 'I will return to the man I came from.' So it returns and finds the man's heart clean but empty! Then the demon finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and all enter the man and live in him. And so he is worse off than before."--Matthew 12:43-45.
Therefore, her theory is that to help a non-saved person with deliverance would only harm them in the long run. Interestingly enough, she most frequently works with pastors seeking deliverance from spirits of pornography that have come upon them in counseling sessions with women. In those cases, since I know you are wondering, the female counselee has revealed unnecessary intimate sexual details to the pastor. Then after being attacked by sexual thoughts that the pastor often thinks are his own, he will give place to those thoughts by looking at pornography; which is often available on cable TV channels in hotel rooms when the unsuspecting pastor is traveling on business. Once the pastor has given place to the demon, by his choice of watching pornography, he is ensnared and in bondage. Tormented, he doesn't know where to turn because there are very few people in which a pastor could confide such embarrassing details.
This is why we should as the Word says, "...Cast down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..."---II Corinthians 10:5. I have learned very plainly that just because a thought seems to be our own does not mean that it is. One of Job's accusers said, "This truth was given to me in secret, as though whispered in my ear."--Job 4:12, yet what he spoke was not truth.
"But remember this---the wrong desires that come into your life (mind) aren't anything new and different. Many others have faced exactly the same problems before you."--I Corinthians 10:13. Satan isolates us and makes us feel alone in our difficulties. This is another good reason that we are told to confess our sins one to another. Yet how many of us could be trusted with that kind of a confession?
Paul tells us in I Corinthians 6:12, "I can do anything I want if Christ has not said no, however some of the things still aren't good for me. Even if I am allowed to do them, I'll refuse to if I think they might get such a grip on me that I can't easily stop when I want to."
"Winking at sin leads to sorrow."—Proverbs 10:10. I like Dr. Dobson's quote, "Don't open any doors that may have monsters behind them." I pondered at first how one would know what door might have a monster behind it? Then the Lord showed me, learn from other people's mistakes!
The preceding story about pastors was highlighted only to show that a Christian could have a demon, not so that we would fall into judgment. Remember that we could be talking about our husbands, fathers or brothers and the Word says that we are to "Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."--Galatians 6:2. We should pray always that God would protect our pastors from the snares of the enemy.
I’ve been a very transparent person for quite sometime. I have determined to have no secrets in my life and share anything with anyone that might be helped by the information. That doesn’t mean that I share everything with everyone, but if God leads me to reveal an embarrassing sin or experience in my past to help encourage someone, I will do it. So here we go with what will be a rather long story.
Last summer I had a prophetic dream in which I exploded and turned inside out and was all black inside. After the dream, I prayed and asked God how I could possibly be completely black on the inside since he had worked so much sanctification in me in the last nine years. I mean, here I am, sold out to God, reading the word, praying constantly, taking every thought captive; asking to have a humble and obedient heart, telling God that I want to be without spot or wrinkle and that I wanted to abide in the vine, and I’m all black inside! After that, I had two other dreams, one about my wedding dress being washed and the other about it being ironed. I believe that this showed that God was preparing me as his bride by exposing that blackness.
Prior to attending the conference, the enemy began to mess with my mind big time. When the enemy speaks to us, it’s almost always as our own thoughts. I KNOW that I hear God, but the struggle to discern is that I also KNOW that I hear the enemy. God had opened every door possible for me to go to the conference by bringing provision in 7 different ways. But then I began to hear, "You’re not supposed to go. Your in rebellion by going" and other such garbage. The enemy knows that the last thing in the world I want to do is disobey God, so he was playing his hand. Still, because I sensed it was the enemy, I pressed in and went. I will say here that twice in my training to hear the Lord’s voice, I had God tell me not to go to church, and while that would seem like something that would obviously be the voice of the enemy, both times it proved out to be God.
The Sunday before the conference, one dear sister at my church informed me that, "The Lord was going to give me a ‘gift’ at the conference."
On the dive to the conference, I had planed to listen to a set of 20 deliverance tapes that I had been given by a friend. But God clearly instructed me that he wanted me to spend the full six-hour drive in worship to him. I only had one worship CD with me and thought, "gee that will get old fast." To confirm His direction to me, when I dropped my dog off to be watched by a friend, the baby sitter said, "Lori left you some CD’s for your drive." By golly, there were three WORSHIP CD’s, along will my one, they played exactly the full 6 hours of my drive. During my worship time I could feel the Holy Spirit all over me and I just wanted Him to bubble out of me. One of the things that I have been praying for is for more of God’s love in me. It feels like no matter how sincere I am, I’m not walking in nearly the amount of love toward others that I should be. So the bubbling of the Holy Spirit and the need for love became my only prayers on the trip up.
The first day of the conference, I met a very nice young man named Casey. He was a newer Christian, barely 14 months old in the Lord and had come out of a background of New Age practices. I thought he was there to learn like the rest of us, and had no idea what a mighty man of God this fellow was, or that he was one of the team of deliverance ministers. As we talked about my children, he commented about what a sweet spirit and loving heart that I had and that sometimes he felt that he had a shield on his heart but that he could feel the love in mine. Then he said that he was picking up something in regard to an "old woman."
One of my spiritual weaknesses has always been that I didn’t have much discernment. I had prayed many times in the last 8 or 9 years for more, but God had only given me a tiny bit. Here I was about to meet people that could see the faces and many details about these unclean spirits.
Although I had studied deliverance extensively, the first day of teaching really rocked my boat, with some new information. And I can honestly say, that in my mind, I kept hearing things like "there’s something terribly wrong here, you need to leave." Where do you think that thought came from? If you were a demon, in a room with anointed people and teaching, and you didn’t want to be exposed, what would you be saying?
The presenter of the conference was Wallen Yap, whom I’m told had participated in over 5,000 deliverances, so his experience certainly exceeds mine. I had always assumed that demons were fallen angles, but had never given it much though. I figured a demon was a demon was a demon. I’m not a splitting hairs kind of a person and figure each of us only has a piece of the truth at best, so I avoid all doctrinal disagreements that don’t involve salvation issues. But Wallen’s concept is that demons are the "unclean spirits" of people who died without accepting Jesus. Based on a scripture from II Esdras 7:78-100 in the Apocrypha, which is outside of canonized scripture, he has concluded that human spirits are each allowed to remain on the earth for a total of 120 years before their judgment. So if a person died at 90 their spirit would be hanging around the earth another 30 years and they could go into other peoples bodies. I had always been taught that demons had inhabited people, and therefore they could provide information about their lives and deaths. I personally didn’t find the scripture that Wallen quoted completely convincing so I had a lot of chewing to do. I found the idea of having a dead human and possibly a dead relative in you to be really gross and very hard to get my mind around. But lets face it, weather it’s a demon, or an unclean human spirit, do we really want either of them?
One thing that Wallen mentioned that I disagreed with was that reading the bible wasn’t helpful in getting the demons out on your own. Perhaps there was truth in it, in the way he said it. But I believe that reading it OUT LOUD is helpful. "How can a young man stay pure? By reading your Word.--Psalm 119:9. And Ephesians 5:26, "That he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word." Also, Romans 10:17, So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. I know that for me personally, when I was battling discouragement one recent Sunday and was out in my car, I thought to my self, I haven’t’ read the bible in a couple of days, I need to go home and read my bible. Immediately, I heard, inside my head, "I hate the bible, it’s stupid!" So right then, I knew that was exactly what I needed to do and that the discouragement that I was feeling had been coming from a spirit that I thought was outside of me causing oppression.
After some of the teaching, I met Ronnie, another deliverance minister with powerful discernment. Ronnie gingerly asked me if I believed that it was possible for me to have an unclean spirit. Being bold and brave, I said, "Sure." He then very kindly proceeded to inform me that there was an "old woman spirit" and at least five others, including some men on my face right at that moment! And that the "old woman" had been there a long time. Egads! What on earth did I think or say of that? I don’t even remember, so don’t ask. But I did proceed to process it, and later when he and a group of us went of to dinner, I began to question and argue the days teaching’s. Not rejecting them, but trying to get my mind around them. Also, like my friend at church, Ronnie told me that I was there to receive a "gift" from God. I smiled and told him that I already knew.
As I chewed more on this idea of me having an "old lady," I realized that I had always considered myself "old fashioned" and liked antiques and other old things like Victorian houses. The next morning, I remembered that when I was in the fifth grade, a doctor had told me that I had the tendons of an "80 year old woman."
Later, I was prayed for to receive more discernment and stirring up of my spiritual gifts. God immediately answered that prayer by allowing me to discern the spirits on my face by allowing me to feel them. Yep, creepy things on my face, sounds like fun doesn’t it?
Because I’m sharing my full conference experience, I want to digress here and tell you the most thrilling part of being there. I was so excited to watch Casey and the friend that he had lead to the Lord, ZI YAN, a very intelligent and gifted collage student. They were so on fire for God and were moving in amazing gifts, after having turned from and renouncing their former New Age practices of seeking power. They asked us to pray for Jimmy, an unsaved friend who was seeking, and that they were bringing to the conference the next day. Bless God, the next day, not only did Jimmy come, but he also accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and savior. Later that same night, 7 of us had a bible study up in our room to try and sow into Jimmy. I felt lead that we should read Isaiah 53, and other than remembering that it was Messianic prophecy about Jesus, I couldn’t remember what was in the chapter. We did quite a lot of talking before we started the study even though Casey kept trying to keep us on track. But many of us were trying to teach Jimmy all at the same time.
I didn’t realize that Jimmy had read the chapter while we were talking. I turned to tell him that scripture can read like dead boring history until we ask the Holy Spirit to make it life to us and then it completely changes and speaks to us and our need. Apparently he took that to heart, because by the time we got around to reading it again, it was life to him and he comment about the difference between the first and second time he read it. And it was very profound to hear all that this newborn babe had gotten out of it. I also turned to Jimmy and said, you think that you have just bought into a religion, but what you have bought into, if you will seek it, is a relationship with the living God. Apparently that hit the mark as exactly what he had been thinking because it really affected him and he wanted to know more.
He ended the evening with a very insightful remark about how the New Agers thought they were inherently righteous and something about light, and how Christians realized that they needed to seek the righteousness of God. He said it much better than I did by the way and I wish that I could remember his exact quote. When I found out that his mother is a Christian, I thought, "Alright God, I bet she’s been praying and you’ve just answered those prayers."
They next morning I was telling Ronnie how Jimmy was totally "getting it about God." Ronnie looked at me kind of surprised, but by the end of the day it was clear to everyone that Jimmy was on fire for God. Somewhere in the evening he got filled with the Holy Spirit. Later that night when we had another Bible study, he was just nuclear for God. Just going ballistic when he prayed and showing wisdom like he’d known the Lord for years. I was blown away at ZI YAN and Casey and how far they had obviously come with the Lord in a very short time, but to see it before my eyes in Jimmy in less than 48 hours was a real privilege. I was so proud of all three of them. Not because I had personally sown into their lives, but because they were the fulfillment of prophecies I’d read over the last three years. Several of the words that I had read said that God was going to be moving in the youth, and taking them to spiritual levels that was far beyond what the rest of us had gone and in shorter time. How totally awesome to see God uphold his word. Jimmy started reading the New Testament and nearly finished the book of Matthew before he was two days old in the Lord.
The first night, the guys had been worried about Jimmy going back to his place because he rooms with a New Age Mystic, who had been studying his craft since he was eight-years-old. By the second night, they were joking that they were more worried about Daoud the New Age roommate.
OK, back to the more unbelievable part of my story. The stuff they were sharing at the conference was so "out there" that I was really afraid that the enemy would steal the good seed that was being sown into me, and that I would be able to return home and rationalize stuff away or just forget about it like a weird dream. I had to keep praying and fighting to hang on to the truth that I was receiving.
They showed some very convincing tapes of deliverances that showed the unclean spirits giving all kinds of information about weather they were a man or a woman, what their name was, how they died, how long they were in the body, what sickness and disease they had brought in and so forth. I haven’t mentioned yet that Wallen taught that all sickness and disease was brought in by a demon and that if you cast them out correctly, they took it all with them.
On our last night of the official first part of the conference, Casey told one of the women not to keep praying in a certain tongue because he has the gift of the interpretation of tongues and could discern that it was a demonic tongue. Ronnie also said that he could see a porcupine like creature on her face and that he would cast it out the next night.
At the next session I was praying in tongues and Casey asked me about it. Now let me say here that when I had first received my tongues that the Lord had instructed me to use them one night over a demonized child instead of spanking him like I had planed. The child was twelve or fifteen feet away, and I was only praying quietly under my breath but he began to cover his ears and scream at me to stop talking about, "God and Jesus" so I knew my tongues weren’t demonic. I told Casey that the Lord wants us to pray constantly and that I had trained myself to do that, and that I had also been doing it since we were watching the deliverance videos and I sort of wanted protection from anything. To be honest, some things had been leaving me when I was praying but I don’t think that I told him that. I asked him if it had bothered him and he said no, not him personally but that it had really bothered his "spooks" as he called them. These folks contend that since they do this kind of warfare that stuff jumps on them all the time and they are aware of it and that they had to do regular daily "self deliverance" to get rid of them. As a matter of fact, the whole program teaches self-deliverance. What they didn’t know, was that I had been trying to put into practice everything that I had been taught up until that point.
They mentioned that if a spirit was difficult about leaving that you could torture it by commanding the fire of the Holy Spirit on it. Now I had know for years that prayed over oil burns the demons when placed on the human body but I also learned that so does the bible. (I’ve had children that turned and screamed, "That hurts!" and have seen their faces contort in demonic manifestations when a tiny bit of oil was placed on their forehead.) Anyway, I had been putting any spirits that I had on alert that they were going to be leaving soon and that they needed to pack their bags and that they better be very afraid, because the couldn’t stay. Interestingly, I had heard God say, "No more free ride," before I left. I didn’t know what it meant at the time but now I know that he was talking about my "hitchhikers."
I’ve known that demons can leave a number of ways such as yawning, coughing, vomiting, or right out the top of the head. But what I began to notice was that since I had been warning these things that they had to go, every time I prayed in tongues, I did an abnormal amount of yawning. Yes, I was tired because at conferences you stay up late and get up way early. But I tested it out over and over, if I wasn’t praying in tongues, I wasn’t yawning. Also, if I hadn’t been commanding them to leave, I wasn’t yawning when I prayed in tongues. Also, I prayed in tongues almost all the next day through the other people’s deliverance and not once did I yawn since I wasn’t praying for myself. I can now remember a couple of times previously when I had prayed in tongues and yawned a lot. But that’s great, right? It shows that’s God’s taking care of us when we don’t even know it.
So anyway, I began to make tally marks of the number of times that I yawned while Wallen was teaching, and I promise, he wasn’t boring, the tally marks numbered over 80. Honestly I don’t think Wallen would like hearing that because other’s told me that we shouldn’t cast them out in hotels because you didn’t want them to go on other people.
Later that night, when I proudly told Ronnie how many I thought I’d gotten out, he said, "Well you must be loaded with them because I can still see over a hundred on you!" Not only was that disappointing, I was quite indignant at them. I mean how dare any demons come in me! I’m a blood bought daughter of the most high God! I’ve been serving God almost my whole life. I’ve never even tried drugs and I don’t even watch bad movies except for three that I had repented of because of the awful images they left in my mind. I have always been taught that these things had to have a legal right into your life, such as a door that you open, like messing with the occult, or not honoring your body by using drugs, or promiscuity and such. I was fuming about it when my friend reminded me that I had been molested as a child and raped as a teen. That alone would be massive open doors, but later the ministry team discerned that since my husband has been unfaithful that many of them had come from him onto me because of us being one flesh.
Fast forward to Prayer Mountain, a beautiful place in Santa Cruz where we went to see actual deliverance’s conducted. A number of the people who were there had flown in from Nebraska to receive deliverance after having attended a Warrior Saint Conference there. The first woman to get up had a spirit that had either had a stroke, Alzheimer’s, dementia or was a mental patient loaded with drugs. The spirit honestly didn’t seem to know its name or if it was a man or a woman and constantly answered by saying, "I don’t know." They worked on it for quite a while, maybe an hour and couldn’t get anywhere. Wallen realized that this was messing with the faith of people in the room and decided to move on to someone else for the time being.
I don’t remember the exact order that the next group of people came up, but man did they get very different results. One couple was prayed over together, since the woman had received deliverance in Nebraska, but the husband had not, and had passed four spirits to the woman. The man had five spirits and most of them said that they had come into him because he had stepped on them. One said its name and had been a family friend, and the deliverance recipient said he had gone to the man’s funeral. One of his other spirits also said that it had entered the guy when he stepped on it in a graveyard. The spirits in the woman all said that they had come into the woman from her husband. When asked if any of them had gone into their children, they all replied, "no." Now here’s the most amazing and encouraging thing, when asked how many spirits were in the children, each one in the mother said, "None!" When asked why, one of the spirits said, "Because they have the biggest Arch angle protecting them that I have ever seen!" Praise God, isn’t that cool? We later asked the mother how old the kids were, and she said from sixteen on down. She said that all of the kids were believers and were filled with the Holy Spirit and that they prayed everyday.
Still, if I’m not mixing up the order, I believe that this woman had three spirits cast out of her who had been witches in their lifetimes and who were still trying to cast spells and destroy the couples marriage. One spirit said that she had died in a plane crash but that she had blacked out before the actual crash. That was when Wallen discerned that she had been a witch and asked her about it. Later, she said that she would only leave if she were allowed to take her caldron, which he would not permit her to do. The next spirit said that she was a clone of the first one, created to serve the first one.
The next lady first manifested a very defiant male spirit named Damon. It was a very nasty, very defiant spirit that really didn’t care where it was sent because it knew it was doomed. I haven’t mentioned that most of the spirits in each of these people would say what sickness and disease they had brought into the body. This lady also had many male spirits and several witches. A number of the witches said that they were "sent" into the body by higher spirits or spells. Before leaving, the spirits were commanded in the name of Jesus to take an oath that it would take all pain and sickness and go to where it was command. This was one of the reasons that they had wanted to get the spirits names. The most heart wrenching thing I heard was when one of the spirits looked up to heaven before leaving and said, "I’m sorry Jesus." All of the ones who where asked, admitted that there was no higher power than God and Jesus and that they couldn’t stay. Some of them hated saying the name of Jesus and were very defiant about taking the oath, but in the end they always took it. One had been asked why it didn’t accept Jesus when it was alive and it replied, "unbelief."
Several spirits gave names like Murder, Isolation and Pain. At one point the ministry team accused Pain of lying about its name and were demanding it’s human name. I told them it wasn’t human and that its name really was Pain. Then they asked it if it was human and it said, no, it was a demon. So we did get to learn from each other through all of this. Another guy had a spirit guide that he had invited into his life and it gave its name as Fritz something that sounded very German. But one of the guys discerned that this thing was definitely a fallen angel.
Guy’s I know I’m telling you some mind blowing stuff here, and the truth is I can hardly believe it and I saw it all with my own eyes. It took several hours to get all of the spirits out of the four people plus the first one that they didn’t get any out of but tried. One of the ladies had 68 spirits that were all sent out at one time.
One of the witch spirits said that there were more fallen angels than the stars and when asked how many demons there were it said, "you don’t even want to know." But when asked how many holy angles were in the room, it said more than five hundred. Wallen told one of the spirits that he was going to send it to Tartarus, at the center of the earth and told it that it was the worst place he could send it. The spirit replied that it was one of the worst places. So Wallen asked they next one what was the worst place it could be sent and it said that, "No one wants to be sent to the throne room of satan, which was at the center of the earth." So after that Wallen began sending some of the very defiant ones there. Then he got a little carried away and was commanding them to taunt and torture satan. I was uncomfortable with that, as was ZI YAN who voiced his concerns several times. The next day Wallen admitted that what he had done was probably a really bad idea and it shouldn’t be repeated.
Three of the five people had very cooperative spirits that went pretty easily. As a matter of fact, I admit that the deliverance team made the whole thing look very easy, even though I know they were tired. Most of the team had been there twelve to fourteen hours. Yet some of the team stayed late and worked to get rid of the porcupine spirit that Ronnie had seen on my friend. I think everyone was surprised when an extremely powerful wizard spirit manifested next. This is the one that had been causing the demonic tongues and it tried to curse the deliverance workers. There was a lot of hissing, and raging, and growling and defiance. It was a very wicked, nasty spirit. And when it had finally left, my friend said that she could see that it held two energy sticks in its hands that went down into the ground and that it had been calling on satan for help. Also someone else said that they had seen that the wizard had three fallen angel bodyguard’s that were outside of my friend trying to back him up. Even thought that spirit was fearsome and powerful, it only took about ten minutes to get he and his friends out. This particular woman and three of the others that received ministry live in an area that has a lot of witchcraft and have had curses and many attacks from witches. I want you to understand that each of these demons was hideous. Every one of them was bent on our destruction. Some said that they were chewing on body organs to cause cancer. I don’t care if they were human spirits, or demons masquerading as human spirits, I promise you that you don’t want any of them in you!
By the fifth and last day of the conference, I know that we were all very tired. I was personally very exhausted and I hadn’t done anything but pray and wait my turn. The first person to receive ministry was the same woman who had the wizard kicked out the night before. I was really surprised by this since everyone thought she was cleaned out the night before. She manifested over forty, all of whom said that they had come to her from her husband. I remembered that she had spoken to her husband that morning by phone to wish him happy anniversary. The phone call had lasted less than two minutes, but apparently transferred spirits. The spirits also said that there were two covens of witches in the husband plus some other spirits.
During lunch, I kept looking at Wallen’s wife and hearing, "She doesn’t like me." After a while I realized that it was a demon in me speaking and of course Wallen’s wife didn’t like it, it had nothing to do with me personally.
After lunch, they returned to the woman from the day before from whom they hadn’t been able to get anything out, and did a complete job that time. But it was hard work and took quite a bit of time. I, or I should say that the spirits in me were pretty freaked out. One of the guys had told me to calm down, and even joked that he might take my car keys, implying that he though I might try to leave, which had never been a consideration. By late afternoon, they were still finishing up on their second person. The minister at Prayer Mountain came in to pray for everyone. She had a powerful anointing. She didn’t pray deliverance over me, but mostly told me not to be afraid and how much God loved me. When she was finished praying for me I began to violently cough out many spirits and even had to go running outside to vomit one out.
When my time came for ministry, I expected
things to go smoothly because so many had already left and I had been commanding
the others to pack, leave, or get ready to leave and to be very afraid of trying
to stay. Yet my deliverance took almost five hours. I would like to describe
both what happened and what it felt like as it was happening. Most of my spirits
were weak ones. I think that is because I have been taking thoughts captive for
so long, but I don’t know. A day after the conference, Case e-mailed me with
this and it goes with the point that I was just trying to make, "I think I
got a discernment today. Spooks try to impose their emotional, physical, mental
presence in you, the more you fight it and deny it and accept God the easier it
will be for them to be cast
out. And vice versa, but how can you know the difference if they have been in
you most of your life?"
My spirits were very terrified and most of them offered little or no information. When asked how many there were or how many they could take with them they didn’t seem to know. I had a very bad pain in my shoulder that had been a chronic problem and was especially bad that day and the three previous days. One spirit was able to take it and praise God it is still gone. There seemed to be a nest of them causing back pain and while many of them left, I still have some pain.
Most of my sprits didn’t give names, and of the ones that did, I wasn’t completely sure of. It felt like I was the one doing the talking, but also, it seemed like when I wanted to say something, I personally didn’t have the power to say it. Although I know that I wasn’t, the whole thing felt like what I imagine being hypnotized would feel like. I was completely aware of everything that was going on. I could hear and see everyone.
At one point, Casey said that he saw a black arrow shoot at me. Wallen said that it was a spirit of death that had been following me around. He asked it how it had been trying to kill me and then he immediately discerned that it was going to try and kill me by a car wreck. Wallen had no idea that three of my relatives had died in car wrecks. Or that I had told only one person about a dream that I had that very morning, that I was in a very bad car wreck.
At one point, one of the ministry workers discerned that the Holy Sprit really didn’t like my little Tinker Bell necklace with crystal wings, and they removed it. I had been taught against fairies, but felt safe because this was Tinker Bell. I really liked the necklace but we threw it away after ministry because I don’t want any open doors to the enemy. Interestingly, I had not planned to wear it at all that day, but put it on because I felt compelled. I don’t know if the Holy Spirit wanted me to wear it so that he could expose it or if the demons wanted me to wear it for some reason. Now, how do I break it to my daughter, whom I bought the same necklace for and who has a house full of fairies and Tinker Bells?
I think that it’s really important to add here that although I had hundred’s of spirits, I have no doubt that I was completed saved, and that my spirit would go to heaven. The only power that these things had over me was to keep me from having an effective and completely victorious walk with the Lord here on earth.
When Wallen or anyone else commanded the demons in me to look in his eyes and tell him what they saw, I personally saw only his eyes and my reflection. The whole thing was very surreal and I battled doubt even while it was going on. But what I can not deny, was that I FELT the spirits on my face. I felt them moving my eyes and my vision was much blurrier than it normally would have been without my glasses.
Sometimes they had to hold me up to receive the ministry. A couple of times I leaned forward and Wallen thought the spirits were trying to intimidate him but I know that actually the person behind me and pushed me a little by mistake.
Although I tried with all of my personal might to keep my eyes wide open and locked on Wallen or whoever was ministering at the time, it was a massive battle for me to do it. Also there were times that they would be talking to one spirit and I could feel the spirit go down and a different one come up. I didn’t seem to have the power to tell them, but working as a team, they were pretty quick to figure it out most of the time. Sometimes I could tell that the spirits thought they could trick the ministers. By almost 9 at night, Ronnie thought they were down to the last two spirits in me, but when they finished them and were ready to go, I told them that there was anther one on my face so they cast it out too.
Quite frankly these guys had originally been reluctant to do deliverance on me at all because they wanted me to get more out on my own so that they could see that I would continue to fight them on my own. They poured themselves out to help me. I know that some of them took time off work to minister and that they Yap’s put their personal money into the conference and didn’t make it back. They even paid for four of our lunches and Ronnie paid to take most of us out to a very nice dinner. I am very grateful to each person there that showed me love, acceptance and mercy. Some of them had even offered to make the 6-hour drive to my home and help me if I couldn’t come back up there.
Everyone was very tired and anxious to leave by the time we were done. I was very fearful to leave for several reasons. I was afraid of what I would face back home since I know that the enemy can try to bring a lot of backlash after something like what we had all just been through. Also I was afraid because I had thought that I would be staying at Prayer Mountain or in a hotel with friends that night. I hadn’t been expecting to start a six-hour drive, exhausted, on unfamiliar roads at 9 o’clock at night. I didn’t have money of my own for a hotel, so I prayed hard that the Holy Spirit would be with me every inch of the way. I now know that God had a plan in me undertaking that trip right then. I need to say that even my fear of undertaking that drive was from the enemy.
Not far down the road, I began to manifest many more spirits. I yawned, coughed and wretched for 3 hours plowing 65 miles an hour down the highway. This had become my own battle now because God was training me. I yelled at the spirits until I had no voice left and then returned to praying in tongues. Although I knew that everything still wasn’t gone, at midnight, I pulled into a rest stop, warned the spirits that I knew they were still there and that I wasn’t finished with them yet, but that I was going to sleep and they better leave me alone. I prayed for God’s protection, and had a pretty restful six-hour sleep in the trunk and back seat of my car. Thankfully I had a sleeping bag and several jackets to keep me warm.
When I continued my journey at 6:30 in the morning, the battle began again, with me coughing, wrenching, yawning, and even once puking in my car. Sometimes when a spirit would be giving me a hard time about coming out, the Holy Spirit would have me hold my bible up to my heart and command the spirit to leave and it would. By they way, when the ministry team was ministering to me, all the spirits but two left through the top of my head, and only the two needed to be coughed out, so there wasn’t quite as much drama.
I could feel spirit after spirit surface on my face as I continued to drive. Once or twice, I could feel that after one left, the next one thought it was the leader because more powerful ones had left. I could sense through some of it that I must have looked very gray, and a couple of them manifested on my face so badly that I was worried what other drivers would think if the noticed me. One felt like cement on my face, frozen in resolve. I finally discerned that it was Stubbornness. It was a very yucky one to get rid of and many more manifested after that.
About a half-an-hour from my babysitters, I called to warn her that I would be coming early to pick up my boys. Before I got out of the car to make the call, a strong spirit manifested that I decided was Weakness. I felt so weary and exhausted and just wanted to sleep right then and there, but the Holy Spirit warned me not to give in to that one and to war against it, which I did. As soon as it left another surfaced, but I told them all that they were bound and that I wasn’t going to deal with them anymore for a while since I need to pull myself together for the kids and the babysitter.
Several have tried to come up today, but I’ve commanded them not to manifest in any way. I will deal with them soon, but I needed to rest and regroup for the rest of the day. Also I felt that it was critical that I document all of this before the enemy could try to make me believe that it didn’t happen. Even as I have typed this, the enemy has messed with my computer and made it hard to save the document.
I wish that I could say that I feel joy. I don’t yet. I feel more blank or numb. (Two days later I got my joy back and felt so much less "traffic" in my head. And feel an incredible lack of striving.)) I do feel peace in that I know the Holy Spirit is with me and that I don’t have to deal with this alone. The ministers warned me that it would be a while after ministry to figure out who I really am since so much of those things were controlling my thoughts and emotions. I feel a little like a stroke victim that needs to learn to walk and talk all over again by learning how to hear God again and not be fooled by the enemy. Also, I would much rather spend my time worship and praying or praising God than casting out demons, but if I need to do all of this to do that then so be it. I’m sure that everything will come into balance soon.
As I type this, I realize that my tendons are a little sore, but I’ve been typing for 6 or 7 hours. Some of my body is sore, but I slept in a car. I had a headache earlier, but I know I still have some spirits left to get rid of. One significant change I’ve noticed is that although I’m still very tired from the five days and the driving, I only took a 30-minute nap. Usually I would have needed one to three hours of a nap just to make it though any given day. I’ve also noticed that when I’m commanding the fire of the Holy Spirit to burn on the ones who have refused to leave, they react by giving me an immediately irregular heartbeat which I can distinctly feel but am not worried about. One tried to choke me yesterday, on a tiny sip of water, which left me desperately coughing to save my life for ten minutes.
I’ve never liked words like exorcism or demons. I prefer softer words like deliverance and spirits. But I stand here today to tell you that I have most certainly been exorcised. And for that, I thank Wallen Yap and all of the Warrior Saint team.
Now the question is, what are you going to do about your demons?
If you want to know more, check out these websites.
http://www.ex-spiritualist.netPictures from my deliverance, notice how grey I am compared to the woman standing next to me, and how the veins in my forehead are bulging. Also see how black my closed eyes are even though the woman standing next to me also has closed eyes, hers are not black.
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